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(Katsu Nojiri, CC BY 2.0)
浪漫熱鬧的婚禮結束了,真實的婚姻生活即將展開。你,準備好了嗎?從「白頭偕老、永浴愛河、緣訂三生、永結同心、百年好合」等結婚賀詞中,可以反映出社會大眾對婚姻的期待,而長長久久的婚姻關係應該也是新婚夫妻踏上紅毯那一端的夢想。
婚姻的品質與保固
然而,根據 2012 年內政部統計通報,結婚未滿五年而離婚者,約占總離婚人數的三成。過去的研究也顯示,新婚夫妻在前四年的婚姻滿意度是呈直線下降的趨勢。由於新婚夫妻必須面對許多生活上的調適,包括商量雙方應扮演的角色、如何經營關係,以及建立與姻親的互動模式……等,故新婚階段是最常引發衝突的時期,也是夫妻學習面對、處理衝突的重要時刻,若能有效處理衝突,則有助於婚姻關係的維繫。
一份關於「台灣新婚夫妻的衝突反應」的研究指出,新婚期較常引爆的衝突點多半集中在夫妻溝通、相處時間的分配及金錢的議題上。大多數的學者都認為衝突沒有所謂的好壞,重要的是夫妻採取什麼方式處理。研究顯示,夫妻的婚姻品質與如何處理衝突有關,如果夫妻多採取平靜討論的方式,能增加夫妻間親密的互動;若夫妻常使用激烈爭執或爭吵的方式,則會減低雙方對婚姻的滿意程度。
處理衝突的三項叮嚀
一、容易改變/難以改變:
有些衝突議題容易調整,但有些議題卻難以改變。所以,比較好的衝突處理方式,是先了解哪些是難以改變或無法控制的事,哪些是容易改變、調整的事,並因應不同的衝突點,採取不一樣的解決方式。難以改變的事通常是與原生家庭相關的議題(如:家族成員的生活習慣),或是個人根深蒂固的價值觀(如:生育態度、金錢觀)。當遇到難以改變的事,夫妻需要更深一層討論此衝突點背後的脈絡為何,並學習包容及妥協。若常為了同一件事爭吵,又無法提出有效的方法解決,壓力將愈積愈深,所爆發的衝突也將更大。而可以改變的部分(如:相處時間的分配),雙方可以共同協商出一個有效且可實行的方法,衝突點自然會慢慢解除。
(待續)
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