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(Frits Ahlefeldt-Laurvig, CC BY-ND 2.0)
me2we小編按:談錢,往往會傷感情。但只要了解金錢觀的差異來自原生家庭的影響,並願意「彼此尊重與溝通」,談錢,其實可以不傷感情的,甚至增加甜蜜關係喔!
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當我們了解配偶的金錢觀受原生家庭影響,絕非刻意製造對立,也不是故意找碴,或不尊重對方,我們才能撇除情緒、回到理性看問題,找出解決之道。
Q:金融大海嘯後,我的財產縮水,投資報帳單慘不忍睹,加上先生不會心平氣和地跟我談錢的事,為了財務狀況常常掀起家庭風暴。為什麼「理財」那麼難?
A:婚姻諮商的個案中有七成夫妻曾為錢爭吵,有小孩的夫妻曾因擔心家中財務狀況而失眠,「金錢」是最常引發夫妻衝突的導火線。
如何談錢不傷感情是門藝術
曾有一對相戀十年的情侶來尋求婚前諮商,一開始不是談金錢問題,來了幾次才發現衝突點是「金錢價值觀的差異」,所以,一直不敢結婚。現在年輕夫妻對理財比上一代更有想法,男性一肩扛家計的觀念逐漸式微,雙工作家庭是常態。加上女性自覺提高和看重自我經濟獨立能力,所以,爭議越來越多。反觀傳統夫妻的財務規劃皆以家庭「共同領域」為考量,爭議不多。夫妻的婚姻生活中,「理財」是必修課,夫妻要討論財務,能不傷感情,確實是一門藝術。
金錢觀和原生家庭有關
其實,男女金錢觀不同的主因,跟彼此原生家庭的影響與成長歷程息息相關。當我們了解配偶的金錢觀受原生家庭影響,絕非刻意製造對立,也不是故意找碴,或不尊重對方,我們才能撇除情緒、回到理性看問題,找出解決之道。夫妻間財務的運用一定要說清楚、講明白,我也發現:夫妻間誰來管錢,真是一大學問。
勤溝通,才能一起分擔責任、風險
我的觀念是讓細心、有意願、有時間、有能力(專業知識與常識)的人來理財最適當,更有效率。但是,管錢的人雖然掌控家中經濟大權,也不能一意孤行,花錢和投資時都要向另一半報告,並且共同商量,一同決定後,由管錢的人去執行。如果意見不同,不急著馬上做結論,先找出共同目標來溝通,過一段時間再商量,不可負氣貿然下決定,更忌直接行動。這樣才能達到責任、風險一起分擔,不讓彼此有說風涼話、扯後腿的壞習慣產生。
保留個人自由運用空間,並規劃家用財務計畫
別以為「理財」是件容易的事,「理財」是需要時間和精神來規劃的!雙薪家庭家用支出一定雙方都要出,彼此的收入在提撥平常家用、儲蓄、投資和保險等必要支出項目後,剩下的金額就歸自己管,而且尊重私人用途,不介入、不干涉。
有自由空間才有意願配合,歸自己管的錢會特別謹慎,所以兩人只要把自己該做的先做到位,剩下的私人額度就讓個人做主。夫妻雙方都要學理財,培養自主理財能力,彼此金錢關係會更健康。最後建議:平日夫妻能誠實、不帶批判的分享金錢觀,夫妻互相了解怎樣花錢會讓對方開心,兩人差異何在,學習異中求同,婚姻生活就會趨向和諧自在的狀態。
活動推薦
7/30(四)【me2we幸福講座:談錢,不傷感情】,歡迎點擊此處報名
本內容獲愛家文化事業基金會之《家庭好時光》雜誌授權刊載
作者:愛家文化事業基金會特約講師 金鳳
更多內容請看 愛家文化事業基金會網站 及 愛家文化事業基金會粉絲頁
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