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(Helen K, CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)
Me2We小編按:經歷了下述三個步驟後
2.決定要說出來(延伸閱讀:我應該讓他知道我在生氣嗎?)
3.判斷適當的表達時機
我們更需要知道「要為自己的情緒負責」,因此表達的角度要「陳述自己」、而非「指責對方」。用智慧選擇「主詞」,溝通效果會大大不同喔!
情緒掌握在自己手中
在親密之旅課程中,黃博士常常邀請大家和他打一個賭,若是有人能夠在五分鐘之內讓他生氣,他會付給對方一千元;如果五分鐘之內沒有人能夠讓他生氣,只要付給黃博士一百元,看似是一賠十的賠率,卻沒有人敢和他賭,為什麼?因為情緒是我們可以自己掌握的。
為自己的情緒負責
既然情緒掌握在自己手中,那我們就應該要為自己負責。當我們有情緒產生並且決定告訴對方的時候,應該使用以自己為出發點的負責語言而非以對方為主詞的卸責語言。舉例來說有一天我在洗碗,另一半卻在看電視看得很開心,讓我的情緒有點難過,以下是兩種的說法
負責語言:我覺得很難過,因為我在洗碗的時候你沒有關心我。 卸責語言:你讓我很難過,因為我在洗碗的時候你沒有關心我。
雖然以上兩句乍聽之下差不多,卻很有可能造成對方截然不同的反應。讓我們為自己的情緒負責吧!
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