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Me2We小編按:愛的語言是通用的,不論在夫妻、情侶、甚至於日常生活的人際交往上都很適合,當然也包括今天要和各位分享的「親子關係」喔!
愛的學習進行曲
七年前先生因病過世,我成為必須獨力扶養兩個孩子的單親媽媽,因為深知自已責任重大,所以我開始要求自己極力扮演好母兼父職的角色,不料因為我錯誤的管教方式,讓我與兩個兒子間的相處陷入困境……。
為孩子畫上一個讚美的圓圈
從前的我認為,唯有糾正孩子的錯誤行為才是管教好兩個兒子的正確方式。因此我特地在家中放了一面白板,專門標記兩個孩子的缺點。只要他們犯錯,我就在白板上打上叉叉,也寄望他們可以因此而改變自己的缺點。怎知白板上的叉叉卻是愈累積愈多,那時的我感到相當灰心、擔心、生氣!更相當苦惱不知該如何教好我的孩子。
在偶然的機會下,我接觸到親密之旅課程。在課程中,黃維仁博士提到﹕「我們要常常拿出一枝標明他人善意或長處的筆。」這句話讓我頓時醒悟了過來,原來我一直以來都是「拿著一枝標明他人缺點的筆」來教育孩子。課程結束後,我決定改變白板上的標記方式,當他們有好的行為以及看見他們的優點時,我就在白板上畫個圈。沒想到一星期內,白板上的圈圈就愈來愈多了!這時我才了解:原來當母親多給孩子肯定與讚美時,孩子的眼角、嘴角、手腳就特別迷人。
在愛的銀行中累積存款
我也藉著親密之旅課程的學習,開始運用五種愛之語與孩子互動。他們特別喜歡「身體的接觸」,像是:被撫背及趴在我的腿上掏耳朵,這些看似平常的小互動,卻在無形中增進了我們的感情。此外我也在日常生活中給予孩子「愛的存款」,如:每天送他們上學前說︰「我愛你」;在書桌上不定期放「謝謝你們」的小字條等等。在這四年多的用心經營下,我與孩子間愛的銀行中的存款也與日俱增。
當我用心去了解孩子的愛之語,也能給出更多愛的存款來幫助我們的親子關係更加緊密。同時我也發現隨著孩子的成長,也必須開始改變愛之語。特別是我發現在與就讀高中的大兒子互動時,已經不太適用過去習慣的「身體接觸」後,於是我轉而安排我與他的「精心時刻」。透過一次溫馨的午餐,我再次讓他感受到我依然愛他、重視他,也拉近了親子之間的距離,更讓母子的關係更上一層樓。(延伸閱讀:讓家庭幸福的愛之語(01)-總論篇上)
(還有更多精采又實用的文章續集,敬請期待)
本內容獲財團法人愛家文化事業基金會之《家庭好時光》雜誌授權刊載
作者:洪淑蔭
歡迎瀏覽 愛家文化事業基金會網站 及 愛家文化事業基金會粉絲頁
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