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話多、話少,都要把握時機
在多次的夫妻成長營中,我經常聽到類似的分享:「婚前熱戀中:話少,有智慧;話多,很健談。」「婚後生活時:話少,如冷戰;話多,真嘮叨。」總結許多經驗後,不難發現:在婚前,不管對方有無開口,感覺都很甜蜜;婚後,雖然彼此的愛依然存在,但若久久不說出口,這份愛似乎就不易察覺。
但是如果雙方都願意表達出內心的關懷、肯定、正向、溫暖、讚美時,就可以讓婚姻的經營更為美滿、甜蜜。當了解到愛的語言所帶出的親密關係是何等美
妙時,我們就會更願意嘗試、學習應用在我們的親密關係和人際關係互動中。
催化幸福家庭的五種愛之語
愛的語言,並不單只有言語表達的層次,婚姻輔導專家蓋瑞 • 巧門,提出了五種愛之語,包含了肯定的言語、精心的時刻、接受禮物、服務的行動、身體的接觸。五種愛之語的內容如下:
肯定的言語:即正向的表達。肯定的言語包含了:讚美、鼓勵和感恩三個層次。當我們經常標明對方的長處、努力的過程和態度,這不僅是用讚美和鼓勵,讓彼此的關係更緊密,同時提升對方的自信和自我價值,更成為面對挫折時前進的動力。
精心的時刻:精心安排與家人相聚在一起的時間。簡單來說,就是家人相處時焦點能在對方身上,全心全意跟對方分享或一同做某件事,最好能做對方喜歡
的事,讓對方感到有興趣並覺得受到重視。
接受禮物:禮物是一種很具體的象徵,在家庭關係中更是重要。禮物也傳遞一個訊息:你惦記著對方。當把禮物送給對方,代表著關心對方、愛對方。當對
方接收到被重視、被愛的感受,通常帶來的效益遠大於禮物本身的價值。
服務的行動:藉著為對方服務來表達愛的關係。當先生體貼做家事時,更容易得到妻子的正向回饋,使夫妻關係會更密切;而先生偶爾做錯小事時,妻子也較能容忍與原諒。
身體的接觸:在幸福家庭的關係中,身體的接觸不可少。如:擁抱,讓愛的關係更深的紮根,是建立親子和夫妻關係的不二法門。除了擁抱之外,牽手、親吻或是其他表達親密的動作,都是與家人交流情感不可或缺的方式。
(還有更多精采又實用的文章續集,敬請期待)
本內容獲財團法人愛家文化事業基金會之《家庭好時光》雜誌授權刊載
作者:親密之旅培訓師 花蓮市中原國小校長 唐有毅
歡迎瀏覽 愛家文化事業基金會網站 及 愛家文化事業基金會粉絲頁
希望為婚姻做好預備的您,或期待婚姻生活好上加好的您
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一起來擁抱幸福婚姻 !