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(Flickr, Stefano Montagner, CC BY 2.0)
原生家庭的家中排行居然和婚姻中的溝通相處也有關係!?
是的,當我們進入婚姻時,會一併將自己原生家庭中「所扮演的角色和特質」,帶進新建立的家庭及婚姻關係中。原生家庭中「排行」順序也對婚姻中的溝通相處激起不同的火花,身為老大、老二、老么或獨生子女,各會在婚姻中呈現什麼樣的特質與需要呢?
老么:自由、有創意,需要有發言並參與決定的機會
通常老么在家中是最受寵的,父母多半會要求哥哥姐姐「讓」老么,因此老么受到的要求或責難比較少。此外,有上面的哥哥姐姐們在,讓老么承受的責任比較輕,使老么個性發展上空間很大,能夠自由地發揮創意與巧思。
然而,老么在家中的「權力地位」最低,相較於父母或比自己年長的哥哥姐姐們,老么的發言比較不容易受到重視。因此老么可能會用比較古靈精怪(自由、創意)的方式獲得注意,並希望能夠爭取發言並參與決定的機會。當您配偶的排行是老么,或許在遇到兩人衝突時,會以為他在盧或鬧,但背後的需要其實是希望有發言並參與決定的機會。因此,建議可以多問「那你希望怎麼做?」讓老么有機會表達並參與兩人的決策。對老么來說,處理衝突的重點在發言和參與決定,而非最後決定的結果是否完全合自己的心意。
預告:那沒有兄弟姊妹的獨生子女,在婚姻關係的溝通相處中,又會有什麼特色與需要呢?敬請期待喔~
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將文章作為幸福的種子散播出去,讓我們都成為別人的祝福!^_^
幸福參考品:
1. 幸福學堂,武自珍老師
2. The Birth Order Effect for Couples, Cliff Isaacson and Kris Radish