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原生家庭的家中排行居然和婚姻中的溝通相處也有關係!?
是的,當我們進入婚姻時,會一併將自己原生家庭中「所扮演的角色和特質」,帶進新建立的家庭及婚姻關係中。原生家庭中「排行」順序也對婚姻中的溝通相處激起不同的火花,身為老大、老二、老么或獨生子女,各會在婚姻中呈現什麼樣的特質與需要呢?
老大:責任感重,需要暫時卸下責任、好好放鬆、被疼愛
一般來說,老大是背負著家中長輩最多的期望出生,同時也被賦予最重的責任。不論是主觀的個性使然,或客觀上被要求,老大的責任感通常都是最強烈的,源自於老大從小就被教導要「照顧」弟弟妹妹,要做弟弟妹妹的「榜樣」、要「讓」弟弟妹妹...等。
由於從小到大都背負著身為老大的責任感,因此老大需要的是能夠暫時卸下肩頭的責任,好好放鬆、甚至賴皮一下。縱使老大在面對衝突時很習慣「講道理」,但當配偶的排行是老大時,若兩人遇到衝突,建議可以多和對方述說「體貼、安慰或鼓勵」的話語,,讓他覺得是「被疼愛」,而非「被要求」。
所以如果自己排行是老大,要記得鼓起勇氣分享自己想要「被疼愛」的需要;若您的配偶是老大,在「講道理」的同時,別忘了給對方適時的安慰及鼓勵,讓對方感受到「被疼愛」喔!
預告:那排行身為老二,在婚姻關係的溝通相處中,又會有什麼特色與需要呢?敬請期待喔~
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不僅分享經營婚姻的智慧
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幸福筆記是編輯部將能增進幸福的知識及智慧整理過後與您分享
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將文章作為幸福的種子散播出去,讓我們都成為別人的祝福!^_^
幸福參考品:
1. 幸福學堂,武自珍老師
2. The Birth Order Effect for Couples, Cliff Isaacson and Kris Radish